So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
