I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
