Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
