i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
