He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
