the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
