Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
