I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
