woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
