Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
