Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
