Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
