it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
