I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
