bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
