as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
