New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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