I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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