highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sarcasm needs its own font
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
