my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
