Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
