we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
