dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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