It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
