Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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