.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
