just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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