its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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