Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
