Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize