Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize