Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
