someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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