There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have peed in a lot of sinks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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