the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
