We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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