She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
