just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
