I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize