Why does Corona taste like a burp?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
