yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
