I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
