It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
