i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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