I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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