Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
