I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize