i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
