sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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