i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got inside last night via doggy door
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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