I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
