Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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