fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
