ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
