Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
