Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
