is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said her name was "party"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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