I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
