i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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