She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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