Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
