I am spending my child support on dildos
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
