the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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