the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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