i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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