Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just google imaged poop.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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