Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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