Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
