I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
