Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
