i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate all girls vehemently.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am available for nakedness
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
