She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
