He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize