I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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