i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
