Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
