he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
